There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.

— Mr Rogers.

Why am I doing this?

I have struggled with myself over and over again about whether or not to create this blog. Will anyone even read it? Will anyone even care? Am I putting myself at risk for criticism and judgement? At the end of the day, this blog is as much for me as it is for the benefit of any readers. A place for me to express the emotions and challenges facing the sibling of a person with an addiction. Also a place to welcome with open arms anyone who may be in a similar boat as me. So in this first blog post, I am going to dive in a little deeper to my “why”…

As I mentioned in my about me, I have a brother who is battling his addiction to drugs. We grew up like any “normal” kids. We loved playing games and sports. We liked fishing. We loved watching our favorite cartoons together. We laughed together and we definitely fought like cats and dogs. We had adoring parents and one of the most supportive extended families you could find. We were undeniably fortunate to have these privileges, and for that I am eternally grateful.

That being said, we grew up in a household where the topic of mental health and illness was very hush-hush. We didn’t talk about any negative feelings openly and we certainly never talked in depth about diseases such as depression, anxiety, or addiction. I, myself, suffered from anxiety attacks mostly in my teenage years. I was never encouraged to seek help, not because my parents didn’t care but rather because they didn’t know. They grew up in a time when mental health was stimagtized; it was not spoken about openly and those who suffered publicly were shamed. Unfortunately, this is likely why we are where we are today regarding my brother’s battle with addiction.

Your sibling is quite often your first friend. You grow, learn, play, fight, and make memories with this person. Watching your first friend, your lifelong friend, go through such a devastating battle takes its toll on you. I have felt the full range of emotions through this, including heartbreak, anger, hopelessness and fear. All the while, I’ve been respecting my brother’s wish of privacy and keeping this overwhelming secret and all of my emotions from the world. I won’t lie… it’s a lot to handle.

I’ve starting this blog in hopes to connect with others like me so that maybe, just maybe, we don’t feel so alone. In this blog I hope to address some of the struggles my brother, family and I have faced throughout this journey. I am open to any and all topic suggestions, feedback and constructive criticism because life is very much a learning process. I’m nervous, but excited to be starting this blogging journey.

xo Elle